How to Become Real

As a child, I disliked The Velveteen Rabbit. Even though the beloved stuffed rabbit was rescued and turned into a real rabbit, it grieved me that the Boy did not grieve his loss. I would not have so easily relinquished my stuffed friends, I said to myself, indignant.

Now I am no longer a child, and I know that we outgrow things we once could not imagine living without. What fondness I feel for the treasures of my childhood is rooted in nostalgia, no longer in love or need. So now I can read The Velveteen Rabbit with calm rationality, as I did the other day.

I was electrified by a particular passage:

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

There is an Easter message here.

God’s love makes us Real.

And being loved, becoming Real, hurts.

I want to be Real. To God. With others.

When I am Real, I am not stuffed and sitting on a shelf.

When I am Real, I am full of life and love and pain and my joints are loose and I am shabby and disheveled, but it does not matter, because I am Real.

Outside nursery magic, the only way for me to become Real is to accept the life-giving love of my Creator and love Him deeply in return. Obey Him, serve Him, follow Him. And sometimes it hurts.

Real is risky; stuffed looks safe—but I choose to be Real, because then I am loved and can love in return.

Better Than the Best Gift

When I started writing my first post about gifts, I did not intend to launch myself into a full-blown Bible study. But since I believe the Bible is the ultimate authority, I ended up reading all the verses that included a form of the word gift, as well as various chapters for context.

What I read led me to the conclusion that I am not being selfish when I find joy in using a gift or talent to serve others. God expects me to use what He has given me. However, a gift in one area does not excuse neglect in another area when I have an opportunity to serve in a less talented way.

That was clumsily worded. An example will work better: I need to show warm hospitality even though I feel neither skilled nor comfortable with it.

But then, in my reading, I found 1 Corinthians 12:31: “But covet earnestly the best gifts….”

Covet? Was that what I was doing when I eyeballed my pastor’s wife’s beautifully laid table? And it was okay?

But wait. What are the best gifts? Who gets to decide? Was making cute food one of them?

I read the previous verses. Nowhere did it say which gifts are the best.

Was I then supposed to covet those gifts I thought were the best?

Dissatisfied, I looked up covet in the original Greek. I’m no Greek scholar, but it appears to mean “to have warmth of feeling for or against,” such as desire or envy. In a word, covet.

That wasn’t helpful.

I looked up gifts in the Greek. Perhaps it was originally a different word. Perhaps the gifts I’m supposed to covet are different from the gifts mentioned throughout chapter 12.

Nope. Same gifts.

Now what?

Distractedly, I read the rest of verse 31, the last verse in the chapter: “and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way.”

What did that mean? I lifted my eyes to scan for a more excellent way in the earlier part of chapter 12. Not there.

Wait. Chapter 12. That meant the next chapter is 13. And 1 Corinthians 13 is….

I shot to my feet and started pacing—the more excellent way was—of course, why had I not made the connection before?—found in the chapter following 12.

…the love chapter.

So, this verse was saying “Go ahead and desire the best gifts, but there is a much better way than wishing you had other gifts.”

Love is the more excellent way.

The first three verses of chapter 13 started making more sense than they ever had before.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels….”

“Though I have the gift of prophecy….”

“And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor….”

Without love, gifts are nothing.

The value of my gift is measured by my love.

All this was galloping around in my brain as I paced back and forth, when Cheryl’s comment on the first post on gifts came in. I sat down to read it. She mentioned being afraid of rejection.

I shot out of my chair again. It was like that thunderstruck incident back in November, except this time, it happened at home.

Why did I fear rejection? Why did I feel threatened by the talents belonging to others? Why did I wish to assume gifts that weren’t mine? Why did I even worry about gifts in the first place?

Not because I had been rejected in the past. Not because I have super-talented friends. Not because my self-esteem is low. Not because I am insecure and neurotic.

It was because I lacked love.

The words of 1 John 4:18 marched through my head: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (emphasis mine)

If I love people, I am not afraid of serving them to the best of my ability, whether or not I am gifted. If I love people, I will rejoice to see them using their gifts, even if those gifts overshadow mine.

When I love, it stops being about me and my gifts and my secret fear that I’m not measuring up to some unknown ideal.

When I love, I will serve without fear.

And what are gifts but extra special ways God allows us to show love?

Foolish, foolish, foolish, to think that this whole gift thing was about me.

Gifts are called gifts not because they are given to me but because I am to give them to others.

With a fearless love.